Mind Games
by Becky99
Summary: The Commander decides to do something frightening and completely out of character. Is he insane?
1. Chapter 1

**Mind Games**

 **(1)**

He did not know exactly when the idea came to him but for some time it had been simmering in his brain. He was the Commander of Moonbase Alpha, their leader on Earth's Moon. He and his people were traveling at speeds unknown through a perilous void. Many things had happened to them and many more things were going to happen – and he was becoming ineffectual. Soft.

John Koenig remembered blinking the first time he became aware of that fact. It was Tony Verdeschi, his friend and security chief, who made the quip about their Commander becoming an "old sentimental gent". Maya had giggled and she walked off with her man, arms entwined.

Those two could afford such romanticism. Even though Tony was his second in command he was not the over-all leader of men and women … not like John Koenig. He held the entire future of the human race within his grasp. He needed to be focused and unencumbered. He must have the freedom to act, to make sacrifices, and not be threatened because the love of his life was in danger. No alien race should ever know – ever even suspect – that there was a woman on Moonbase Alpha that he loved.

But how was it possible to hide such a thing when she was there every day, looking at him, touching him, advising him …. Yes, he loved Helena Russell but he also knew, without a doubt now, that he must do away with her.

* * *

No one would ever suspect what he was planning. That is what made it perfect. He and Helena were happy, it seemed, and had been together for quite some time.

But lately he had become aware of what a detriment she was. Helena influenced him with her beauty and soft tone, made him weak with her caresses and, worst of all, when he touched her in turn, when he stroked her soft hair and looked into those liquid green eyes, he felt fragile.

Koenig knew if this woman remained on Alpha she would destroy them all. He was far too devoted to her and the only way to become the Commander again, the man he should be, was to make her no more.

He could barely think to say the word … but Helena Russell needed to die so he and all the others could live!

* * *

The Commander had it all planned out in his head. The execution would be tricky but there were only a few of his people - Tony Verdeschi being one - that had full access to Moonbase Alpha.

He watched Helena on the monitor in his quarters as she worked in Medical Center. Bob Mathias or Ben Vincent would take over as head of that section once she was gone. It would be tough at first because Helena was so good at her job – but she had trained her staff well and they would cope. She was not aware of his intrusive gaze as Dr. Russell shuffled a few papers then looked over her shoulder at a bedded patient who called her name.

Koenig could hear her speaking quietly to the man and his eyes clouded over and closed. She had a lovely voice and he would miss it when she was gone …

 _That voice that whispered in his ear as they made love, those fingers which caressed his naked skin and brought him incredible pleasure … And there was still the hope that one day they would find a world to live on together, perhaps raise a family, and die of old age …_

John Koenig gulped, weakening. Was he wrong in thinking her death so necessary? It was something he could not talk to the others about. They liked and respected her and would never see Helena Russell's murder as anything but tragic and wrong. If they knew, they would think of him as unfeeling and corrupt.

But it was only because they did not understand what a liability she had become. Being human beings and believing in accountability they would not be able to accept his perception of the matter. This was the price of command.

He had evolved but his people, the poor souls, were still fully mortal. Could they not see how conflicted he was every time she was in danger? They had to know but did not have the clarity of mind or the perfection of judgment to see what was in front of their faces. This new awareness made him wiser than he had ever been in the past. It made him see how foolish it was to have allowed Helena into his heart when only disaster could come from their passion and romance …

He had to do something before it was too late.

She would have to die this very night.

* * *

 **Continue ...**

* * *

 _This fiction was originally posted on the_ Helena Russell & John Koenig Facebook Page _as a celebration for hitting 1000 likes. Please read it and thank you in advance for your feedback. Becky99_


	2. Chapter 2

**(2)**

He had planned a dinner for the two of them at 8pm lunar time, after her shift. He told Tony, Maya, Alan - anyone within ear shot - that he did not want to be disturbed. It was going to be special evening.

Tony winked at him and Maya had a knowing look in her eye. They suspected he was going to ask Helena to marry him. _Let them think it._ It would just seal the image he was trying to project and make them feel all the more sympathetic and unsuspecting when she was gone. They could never doubt him if they thought their love had progressed so far …

 _But he had thought about it, marrying Helena, and he almost asked her twice. Something stopped him back then. Perhaps it was the consciousness that flooded him now … But it would be hard … so hard …_

He relaxed in his quarters and watched Helena yet again on the monitor.

She was busy but told Ben she needed to go to the technical section to deliver some good news to Emory Thatchman. His last X-ray revealed the bone in his leg had healed and he was cleared to work full time. Usually she would call her patients through their comlocks but whenever there was good news Helena liked the personal touch. She wanted to tell him face to face.

It was textbook.

Koenig heard her say, "Oh, I'm off duty in a few minutes so I'll see Emory and come back to Medical Center tomorrow morning."

"Have a good evening, Doctor." Vincent called.

Koenig watched her exit Medical Center and he snapped off the monitor on his compost.

The time was now.

He followed her, wondering if he should wait until after she spoke with Thatchman. If he did it after their talk a time table would be created and that was one thing Koenig wanted to avoid. Still, she was a determined woman and walked quickly.

Koenig supposed she wanted to get back to her quarter to pretty up for their date this evening. She would shower and dab on a little of that special sweet smelling perfume he liked. Often, she would place a tiny drop between her breasts and …

He shook his head. He could not allow himself to be distracted. No one was in the hall. It was between shifts. There would be no better time.

She turned when she heard him call for her.

"John." She appeared surprised.

"I want to show you something. It's in the old Main Mission."

"Well John, I need to …"

"Please, it would mean the world to me if you could come with me right now. Can what you need to do in Technical wait for just a few minutes?"

No one had access to Main Mission anymore. Only his and Tony's comlocks could unseal the doors.

She looked at him curiously for a moment, "Well certainly, I suppose so John, but is there something wrong?"

"Not at all. But it's important never the less. I'll explain it when we get there." He took her arm and steered Helena in the direction of a travel tube.

She nodded, trustingly.

Main Mission was still big and beautiful but also strangely dark, with only the brightly colored stars and a constant low-level ambiance lighting their way.

"John, what are we doing here?" she asked, surveying the area, recalling how this had once been their main center of operation. It now seemed so desolate and foreboding. She was a little nervous as she asked, "Why did you want to see me _here_?"

He faltered a moment as the double doors slid closed behind him. Carefully, he hooked the comlock onto his belt.

She was lovely in her confusion, looking up at him, her eyes innocent but concerned.

Still, he had to do it.

 _For Alpha._

He approached Helena and placed his hands on her shoulders, looking into her puzzled eyes. Then his hands slowly moved to her slender throat and squeezed.

He closed his eyes as he strangled her, hearing Helena's last gasps, croaking words that were desperate and jumbled. In essence, she cried: "Why, John, why?!"

He should have known, in her torment, she would not comprehend. John Koenig had hoped the enlightenment might suddenly come over her as she died but it had not. Perhaps in the afterlife there would be understanding.

She was on her knees before her hands arose to fight him, possibly still not believing what was happening to her, but he was simply much too strong for Helena and the energy she expended, attempting to combat him, fighting for her life, was for naught.

The air had left her.

 _'_ _No more oxygen for Helena Russell.'_ he thought and, for a moment, he felt enormously sad.

Helena died with tears running down her cheeks, frightened, hurt and hardly believing it was the man she loved who ended her life.

John Koenig fell back exhausted, his palms flat on the smooth surface of the floor, and he too gasped. Tears also rolled down his cheeks as he now opened his eyes and looked at the body before him. God knew he loved her and if there had been any other way he would have did anything to keep her alive and well.

But it was not to be.

He was the Commander of Moonbase Alpha … and John Koenig needed the freedom to lead his people.

Slowly, he crawled over to her then leaned forward and looked at the woman's face. Carefully, he closed Helena's eyes and adjusted her slightly rumpled clothing. He folded her hands. She now looked at peace. If there was a life after death he hoped Helena understood why he did this to her. She was a smart woman in life and he suspected, in death, she was just as intelligent.

He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her pale lips. They were still warm and he was pleased.

"I love you." John Koenig whispered, "Thank you."

* * *

He strolled into Medical Center and looked for the on-duty doctor. It was Dr. Raul this evening and he emerged from his office with a smile.

"Is there something I can do for you, Commander?"

"I was actually wondering if you knew where Dr. Russell is." He smiled cordially, "We had a dinner date at eight and it's almost nine now. She never showed."

"That's odd." Raul looked slightly troubled, "Dr. Mathias told me she left Medical Center around six thirty. She was going to meet up with a patient then was off for the rest of the night."

Koenig sighed and shook his head, simulating disappointed. "I guess she must have forgot about our date." He said, bemused. "Probably went to her quarters and fell asleep."

"You may be right, Commander. She _has_ been busy lately."

He shrugged, "I guess I'll go turn in too then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sir."

Koenig turned and walked from the unit. He smiled ever so slightly, proud of his own cleverness.

* * *

 **Continue ...**


	3. Chapter 3

**(3)**

The Commander anticipated what was to happen the following day. He could hardly sleep that evening, knowing how it was going to manifest itself. He was only surprised it took as long as it did. Koenig got up, showered and shaved, and made his way into Command Center. He was greeted politely by his staff as he sat as his desk but there was no indication of anything amiss.

Then shortly after 9am lunar time:

Mathias called him first, asking if he had any idea where Dr. Russell was. Troubled, leaning over his desk, he asked if Mathias had tried her comlock.

"Many times." He replied.

For effect, Koenig used his own and pretended surprise when she did not answer. "That's odd." He watched as both Tony and Maya swiveled in their chairs to look at him. "We were to get together last evening but Helena never showed. I thought she was tired and turned in early …" He stood, "I'll go to her quarters. Maybe she overslept and forgot to put her comlock in the charger."

"That's not like her at all, John." Verdeschi commented, uneasy.

Koenig nodded, "I know."

"I'll try her compost, Commander." A helpful Yasko called from her station. Her pretty brow furrowed when there was no response after a few tries.

Koenig nodded and, appearing marginally alarmed, quickly exited out of Command Center's main double doors. He could hear Tony walking behind him. He knew their security chief and friend would follow. Koenig could nearly laugh at the man's predictable nature.

They trotted swiftly to Helena's quarters and Koenig used his comlock to gain entry. Her rooms were dark, of course, and her bed had not been slept in.

From there an all-out alert began. They called for Dr. Russell on all of Alpha's compost and when that did not work they put all Alphans on alert through base-wide communication. They needed to be on the look-out.

"If Dr. Russell is seen please report her whereabouts straightaway to Commander Koenig or security." The computer voice urged.

A seemingly an anxious and frustrated Commander Koenig told Dr. Vincent to see if her uniform tracker was still active but, as foreseen, it was not. Alpha no longer used them, not since the uniform designs had changed months ago.

"Where could she be?" Maya exclaimed.

"Could she have been kidnapped?" Carter wondered.

Sandra reported, "Our long range sensors show no activity. Not even a meteor. If it's an alien race wanting to ransom her they are being very quiet about it."

For days Dr. Helena Russell had disappeared, it seemed, from the inner workings of Moonbase Alpha. Only one man knew where she was and on the fifth day, apparently desperate, he ordered security to break into parts of the base that were no longer in use. He knew it did not make sense but he was justifiably frantic!

The Alphans, especially he and Helena's closest friends, completely understood. They were as anxious as their Commander.

It was Dinski who found her, lying on the floor in the old Main Mission, and it was his sad duty to report her condition to security and John Koenig. No one could explain how she got into Main Mission when it was sealed so securely.

"A mystery. Does it have an answer?" An operative in Command Center spoke under her breath.

* * *

His grief for her was genuine even if it was not for all the same reasons his friends and crew members supposed. No one knew how it happened … only that she had been throttled by some unknown assailant.

If it had been an alien, the creature had come and gone.

Koenig would never forget looking at her body in the examination room of Medical Center. Because of the unique atmosphere inside of Alpha her decomposition had not been so terrible but Tony and Maya told John he should spare himself the agony of seeing what had happened to her.

Under the bright illumination, so different from Main Mission's star light, the bruises around her neck, in the shape of powerful hands, was jarring.

"What kind of a monster could have done this?" Maya had wept and quickly removed herself from the room.

Koenig thought to play his part right, anguished and demanding action, but staring at her lifeless body, seeing the damage he inflicted, the man suddenly became mute.

 _What in the universe had taken away his humanity?_

He could only stare and suddenly wonder, like a man being shown an obscure part of himself, if he was insane.

"Don't you worry, John." Alan Carter vowed, "We're going to find who did this and fry the bastard!"

Koenig looked from Helena's body to the pilot.

She would be missed very deeply.

Emory Thatchman had been interrogated for a while. He was supposed to be the last person Helena saw. But he swore he never met with her that evening. He was eventually ruled out as a suspect when it was confirmed that the technician was with his workmates, during and after his shift had ended in their department.

John Koenig became uncommunicative and he asked if Tony would take over his command for a little while. He needed to get himself pulled together, he said. No one really questioned it. They would expect this from a deeply grieving man. And, evidently overwhelmed, Commander Koenig could not attend her memorial either. So deeply saddened was he … and all understood.

Her death was to have brought him new purpose but Koenig felt like a drowning man. His head hurt, his heart ached and he could not sleep. He kept looking over his shoulder and thinking she would be there …

Yet, there was one more piece of agony to be delivered.

Dr. Mathias had been aware of a secret.

Helena was going to tell John on that special night of their dinner date when she, and others, assumed he was going to propose. She was going to have the Commander's baby. Neither had intended for it to happen, even after the ban had been lifted, but she was six weeks along before her death.

Koenig took the news bravely but already his resolve was splintering.

 _'_ _She was not the one who was to die.'_ A voice spoke in his fevered head, _'It was you, Commander. YOU should have died.'_

"I am the Devil." He whispered in the confines of his quarters.

* * *

 **Continue ...**


	4. Chapter 4

**(4)**

He could not sleep and hadn't closed his eyes in a thirty six hour period.

Nerves on edge, the Commander demanded drugs from Medical Center and, under the circumstances, Dr. Mathias complied. He took a pill as instructed and just as he was preparing to finally fall into a fretful sleep Koenig heard her call his name.

 _"_ _Why John, why?"_ she asked, sobbing.

"Helena?" He was breathless, unable to believe it.

It was not possible.

 _"_ _How could you do it, John?"_

This had to be the result of a guilty conscience, he thought. Yet, her voice was so clear and compelling. Once again, tears came and John Koenig moaned. "Please understand. I had to do it. You were everything to me … but I _had_ to do it … Alpha needed a sacrifice!"

His love for her had been a detriment to the moon and its base. He had killed her and their child for Alpha, his demanding mistress, and now Helena's spirit was coming to him, to haunt her murderer and claim retribution.

Oh, outer space was such a mystery! Things scientists had never thought possible were commonplace out here … Even beautiful, merciless phantoms. "Can you understand, Helena?"

"Come back to me, John." she said.

"Back to _you_?" he cried. "How? Helena, how can I …?!"

How his heart ached, thumping so rapidly in his chest.

"John … Do you hear me? Come back."

What had he done? She was a beautiful, brilliant woman and he had done the unthinkable … He had sincerely believe through some sick fantasy, that he was somehow saving Alpha by being unconnected with the woman he adored. Never again would evil aliens come to him, demanding his cooperation by holding her hostage … and never again would he hold her in his arms, loving her, needing her assurance and affection.

 _He had killed her and his own son. She was right. He did not deserve to live._

His eyes focused on the bottle of pills on his nightstand. He picked it up and noted how the brightly colored pills inside shifted as he shook the container. There was enough. There had to be.

Calmly he took them all, emptying the bottle.

Wearing his blue pajamas and carrying his comlock, Koenig walked slowly to Main Mission. No one stopped him. They did not even seem to notice him. Or perhaps they were just being kind, empathizing with his misery.

Inside, he closed the doors behind him then dropped his comlock on the floor. Groggy, he glanced once to the space where he had laid her, where she had been picked up and placed on a stretcher, and removed from Main Mission. Then he started a long, painful walk up the staircase to the observation deck. The drugs, a potent sleeping medication, were kicking in now, and soon he would sleep and never awaken.

Perhaps the other Alphans would think his grief over Helena has induced the suicide. They would be right, of course, but might never know that it was an admission of guilt. They would search and search for her killer even after he was gone. Then, maybe one day, the unthinkable would occur.

He pictured that moment coming from Maya. The woman would suddenly sit up straight in her chair and, looking at Tony Verdeschi the base's new Commander, Maya would announce: _"He did it, Tony. It was John Koenig!"_

She was such an intelligent woman.

Lying on the cool floor, the stars twinkling above him through the skylight, Commander Koenig smiled mildly. "Forgive me, Helena. I am coming to you now." he whispered and closed his eyes.

* * *

"John."

He felt her touch.

"Come back to me." She repeated

'Come back to you?' he thought again.

"He is conscious now." The silver haired alien with the long wand-like instrument, Drid, smiled gently as he watched John Koenig's eyes flicker open. "Your Commander is a very strong man. He did well. The experiment is concluded and a resounding success."

 _"_ _Experiment."_ Koenig whispered, unfocused. He lifted a hand to touch one of his cheeks. It was wet. Had he been crying?

He remembered now. They were on the planet Wraitha and its people requested his aid. They needed a human guinea pig for research into human aberration. In return, they would supply Alpha with all they desired to help the moon on its journey. The planet itself was not suitable for their human needs but Alpha still required vital minerals and other supplies. The home-world aliens were more than happy to help as long as they could make this exchange.

Koenig would allow no one but himself to undertake the dream exercise although Helena had been willing and …

 _Helena!_

He sat up then, almost blindly, reached out and grasped her arms. She was now sitting at the edge of the bed he had been reclined on and she smiled mildly at him, speaking words that soothed. He pulled her close in a firm embrace.

"What did they make you see, John?" she asked.

He looked over her shoulder at Tony, Maya and Alan Carter. They appeared pleased that he was awake and somewhat sound.

"It was …" he whispered, "My worst nightmare. I saw what I would have become if, for just a short period of time, I lost my mind while commanding Moonbase Alpha."

Helena had been monitoring his brainwaves for the aliens and could see some strange patterns and strong emotions. Yet, she could not fathom what was going on in his dream – or nightmare.

"What happened?" Maya asked, curious.

Koenig shook his head back and forth, "I don't want to talk about it."

Whatever it was must have been appalling, Helena thought, recognizing a nearly eerie look on his face as she pulled him back to examine his face. She saw that same helplessness when he told her about Sam and Tessa, the two friends he had to abandon on a plague ridden world … Maybe he had been forced to relive that again? But no, he said he had gone insane on Alpha, didn't he?

Koenig gulped and, attempting to straighten his shoulder, he looked at Tony, "Do we have all that we need?"

"Yes, John."

"Then let's get the hell out of here." Koenig slid from the bed and stood, feeling slightly unsteady on his feet. He felt Helena by his side and avoided her helping hands as best he could. A fragment of his vision remained and he did not feel worthy of her touch.

"Thank you once again, Commander." said the alien, "You have taught us a great deal."

He seemed to smirk and Koenig hated his smugness. Drid _knew_. Koenig turned away, "You're welcome." he said without meaning it then unceremoniously exited.

Helena felt John pulling away from her, both physically and emotionally, and she grew uneasy. She looked at Drid.

The alien scientist had hooked John to their machine and had anticipated no ill effects. He smiled comfortingly at Helena. "Give him time." He assured. "If he is half the man I know he is - he has learned something as well."

Helena nodded hesitantly at Drid as she and the others departed for the Eagle.

* * *

 **Continue ...**


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

In Eagle Two Alan and Tony were up front, piloting the craft. Maya was at her science work station, working on some calculations and sending her findings from the planet and their newly acquired resources to Main Computer. She was too preoccupied to listen in or pay attention to John and Helena, who were sitting to the rear of the Eagle.

Dr. Russell had insisted their Commander sit with her. He did not appear enthusiastic about the idea, probably foreseeing her compulsion to know more about his nightmare, but he did as she asked. Helena allowed him to rest for the first thirty minutes of their two hour journey but then, leaning close to him, she touched John's arms and gently prodded, "Do you want to talk about it now?"

He did not but knew he had to say something. With a mild gulp Koenig closed his eyes and said, "I did something so terrible that it defies any kind of description I can give you, Helena. The logic behind it was that of an irrational man."

He saw it again in his mind's eye. He _strangled_ her with his bare hands. He really was a mad man.

"Did you somehow hurt Alpha?" she queried.

"No." he said, with a slight tremble to his lower lip. "Not Alpha. Moonbase Alpha was _everything._ It meant more to me than …" he trailed off.

She said nothing for a moment and waited as he turned to look at her.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

Surprised, Helena's eyes widened. John was not usually a man to verbalize his feelings aloud. She smiled gently and took his hand. "I know you do. But it's nice to hear it once in a while." She paused then, "And I also know you would never intentionally …" It occurred to her what he was trying not to tell her, " … hurt _me_." Helena gently bit her lower lip then continued when she felt his hand shudder, "You _are_ sane, John. Through it all you have been everything a Commander can be and more. Whatever that machine did down there," She mimed to the small flat screen inside the Eagle. They watched the planet grow smaller the closer they approached their moon. "It was not something you would do in reality. You are a good, _rational_ man, John Koenig. We … _I_ trust you implicitly."

He smiled mildly at the intensity in her quiet voice. Thank God it hadn't been real. He would never be able to forgive himself, as he hadn't in his nightmare, and to live without her on Moonbase Alpha ... Helena was his calm during a vicious storm and his buoy in an ocean of ludicrousness. It was she who, along with iron will, was his anchor.

 _'_ _One day,'_ he thought, _'I_ am _going to marry you. I really am.'_

Helena held his arm as he leaned over to rest his head against hers.

"Thank you." He whispered.

They were going home to a world of reality, science, love and survival … Moonbase Alpha.

Maybe, in one sense, it was his reason for living.

It and … _more._

He fell asleep inhaling the sweet scent of Helena's perfume.

* * *

 ** _The End_**

 _Original Story Written: 1996._

 _Revised in June 2015._


End file.
